Validate First

As a parent I know how hard it is to see our child suffer. We want to jump in and fix the problem. When they were younger we were able to fix almost anything. As babies, they cried and we fed them or changed their wet diaper. As children, we mended and kissed their booboos. Just our presence was all they needed to chase away the sadness. It is just a part of us to protect them and guard them from things that would hurt them. As they grow our ability to protect them lessens. We cannot control the messages they receive from classmates at school. We can tell them they are wonderful, but there comes that “middle school” stage when they look to their peers for validation. This can be a painful time. You have probably heard the saying, “hurt people, hurt people”. Tweens because of their own hurt and insecurity, can be mean. This insecurity also makes them particularly tender and unkind words can have a deep impact. What is a parent to do? Listen, validate their feelings by summarizing back to them what they have told you. Sit with them. Don’t jump to solutions. Sometimes they just want to be understood. Maybe you had a similar experience when you were there age. Share that. Ask questions that help them to discover their own solutions. Remember, our hurts and problems are opportunities of growth.